Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
