My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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