look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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