thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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