need another drink. this is the easiest way
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
