why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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