Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
