the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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