I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
