I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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