it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
