Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
