STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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