I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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