its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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