The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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