WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Your dad touched me again.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
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