I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
