The maid of honor just puked.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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