What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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