He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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