just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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