Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
