It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
