All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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