Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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