Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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