Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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