I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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