I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize