I wish my penis had an off switch
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
