you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
