Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
