you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
