Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
