My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
