had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
