Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
