She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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