ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
