I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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