im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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