I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
