so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
