Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
