the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
we made out on top of his cat.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just forgot I was standing up.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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