Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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