I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
