my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Randomize
