and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
